Discovering self

This part of story tells about
how I came first into the knowledge of the true God,
It was year 2000, after passing through continues and intensive suffering of my 30 years of age, I started to search deeply the cause of my passed complicated life history. Kowledge wise as a young I used to read different kind of books thinking that could give me different knowledge that would give an explanation about what i don't know.

To please myself I did try many things like many of us because I thought it could nourish my mental satisfaction. Well tried, unlikely to me everything was terrible.

None of them have worked effectively. For that reason most of the time I was living in the confused environment, in wrong life style but always i felt that was not mine. Since my young age till 30th to the point of its end I used to live for long time in that way. But begin from one miraculous night everything has been changed forever.

One day I was sitting lonely in my single room with in deep anguish thought more than any time finding myself in a very great distress situation that came from years of affliction and persecution by my unknown enemies. So drastic were the torment and the strange disturbing feeling I had that forced me to seek at that time something that I never thought before.

Thus, I think for the first time in my life I pleaded earnestly my Creator or some one or some thing that I didn't know for sure to do something about I don’t know for sure. Actually I didn't know to whom even my supplication was forwarded.

Any how with out mentioning the name of any god and with out any voice, with no clear meaningful speech with dry tears, in agony I prayed silently but loud inside to help me some power (with out knowing who).

However, since my childhood, naturally, I have the faith to believe in the Creator but I hadn't specific way to have my connection with him. I never prayed at any time before that day consciously in my life. Even at that day I know I am sure I didn't say anything in a word to demand particular things for the reason that I didn't know what I needed, but prayed something without my conscious knowledge.

Then, after a moment later I moved to my bed and there I found suddenly a Book that comes from nowhere sat at my pillow. I knew I never had it before, because I never read that kind of Book in my life before and nobody lived or entered in my room but me, no visitor came to me in the past two days to think that they left the BOOK of the Lord in my room. Despite all of that, at the time I was not even interested to look at it and I never thought it would have been the help from God or from anyone else.
Anyhow, I just picked it up and stretched my hand intended to put it aside at the table miraculously that never happened. It clings in my hand and reluctantly opened it and started to read it just smoothly for that was to be my first day in the history of my life to read the Book of the LORD.

That happened at the end of 1998. But unlike my disinterest in the beginning every word in it started to make perfect and meaningful sense to me.
Surprisingly begin to that night the way of my thinking and my actions have been dramatically changed.

And from that day on I never missed a day with out thinking about it or if possible with out reading some part out of it. Then again even though I was started late to read that Book compare to many people, my knowledge of the scripture was surpassed its usual norm, and I thought I become lightened suddenly.

That moment makes me different from many of my friends.
There fore I started to see things differently. However, believed by the idea that this kind of character change would always exists among the new believers I was not considered my self to be selectively enlightened with the knowledge of the book of the Lord. I had assumed that the different between me and other friends might be the reason only that I grasped the knowledge very fast with out being preached by any one before but they are. So I thought it was normal.